Hi, I’m Ariel, Michelle’s editor and sister-in-law! You might remember me from previous articles where I’ve talked about living in a small house, going full-time with my side hustle, and leading a low-waste lifestyle.
As I sit in my living room writing this, my 9-year-old son is in the next room working on his laptop after a video call with his 3rd-grade teacher. He’s already had one meltdown, and my husband had to step in to help him out.
Elsewhere in the house, my 11-year-old son is on a video call with his math teacher, struggling to submit assignments on Google Classroom. My daughter is in her room, starting her first of two or three Zoom meetings for the day.
My husband, who is a special education teacher, spends his day creating video lessons and responding to emails from parents. Our youngest son needs constant help to stay focused on his schoolwork, often getting distracted after just 5-10 minutes, asking about snacks or video games. On tough days, he gets frustrated and teary-eyed because third graders aren’t meant for this new version of school.
Since I started writing, my son has interrupted me 12 times with questions about Hulk, axolotls, and if he can eat some leftover Easter candy. This is our new normal, and it’s probably yours too.
None of us were prepared for this—online learning, working, and parenting all at once. We weren’t ready for the emotional toll it would take on every family member. I love being at home, but I’ve cried many times in the past few weeks. Most of my friends feel the same way. We share memes on Facebook to lighten the mood and half-joke about day-drinking, but the truth is, we’re overwhelmed.
So, what can we do to make this easier? Unfortunately, there’s no quick fix. But humans are resilient, and I believe we can learn to cope and adapt. I don’t have all the answers, but I want to share a few things that have made this strange new reality a bit more bearable. These are tips I’ve picked up from friends, articles, and things I didn’t know I had in me.
**Communicate, communicate, communicate.**
During the first week of online learning, my 6th grader was spending nearly seven hours a day on his work. It felt like too much, so I reached out to his teachers and found out that the expectation was closer to three hours. I also communicated with my daughter’s AP chemistry teacher about assignments that seemed like new material, which our district had a policy against. Turns out, AP standards allowed for new material without summative grades.
The point is, you need to reach out to understand what’s expected right now. It’s an extra task, but it can relieve some pressure. The same goes for your work. When you’re remote, you don’t have as many chances to talk to coworkers or your boss. It’s up to you to open lines of communication when you have questions or need clarification.
It’s okay to ask for more details and to admit when you’re confused. It’s also okay to tell your boss that afternoon meetings are easier because the baby naps at 1 pm. Your employers and teachers are also adjusting, and your feedback can help everyone find a better way to work together.
**Triage your day.**
You’ll have a lot on your plate, but you won’t get to everything, and that’s okay. Your day won’t fall apart if schoolwork doesn’t start at 8 am or if lunch isn’t at noon. Assign degrees of urgency to different tasks. A work call might be more important than helping your kid get on their class Zoom call, and their teacher will understand.
Ask teachers which assignments are high priority and don’t stress about the rest. A friend of mine only has her kids do one or two assignments per day and asks teachers to email her about the necessary ones. That’s valid, and I’m proud of her for respecting her limits.
**Keep a routine.**
Routines make people, especially kids, feel safe and secure. Unlike schedules, which are rigid and timed, routines are about the order of activities. A schedule is working at 8 am; a routine is working after your morning coffee.
Routines help mimic your pre-pandemic life or create a new sense of normalcy. Maybe instead of your morning drive, you and your kids take a short walk. My husband and I end our workdays with a walk down the block, and we let the kids start their day with breakfast in front of the TV. It’s working for us so far.
**Stop being so hard on yourself.**
We’re often judged by how much screen time we allow our kids. Too much screen time, and we’re seen as bad parents. This mindset is even more harmful now. We’re in survival mode, and you’re doing your best. If it takes cookies and Minecraft to keep your kids distracted so you can work, that’s okay. Giving yourself the mental space to work won’t harm your child.
**Give in to the crazy.**
After my third child was born, I learned to embrace the chaos. One day, exhausted and overwhelmed, I started spinning around with my three-year-old, and the baby stopped crying. It was a profound moment. Letting go felt good, and it can help you too. These days, it’s dancing around the living room on crutches (I broke my leg last month). I’ve stopped caring if the neighbors see me.
**Find some joy in this new lifestyle.**
The pandemic has forced us into an extreme version of the work-from-home lifestyle. It’s usually great—work from anywhere, take breaks, see friends, and enjoy the outdoors. Now, it’s about staying healthy and reducing stress.
I miss meeting friends for coffee and working alone in a quiet house. But a coworker reminded me to appreciate seeing my kids more. Pre-pandemic, my teenager was rarely home, and the younger two had busy schedules. Now, we eat lunch outside and take walks together. I miss my old routine, but I forgot how much I missed my kids.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I cried over something minor yesterday, and my youngest has asked me countless questions while writing this. But finding small joys is how I’m coping.
How are you doing right now?